Another Day

Today has been a better day. BUT - I am tired.

Tired of learning the language
Tired of not being able to really talk to people.
Tired of using 100 brain cells to think of one sentence to say.
Tired of boys running around our apartment making way too much noise.
Tired of not having a yard and grass and dirt and trees to climb.
Tired of working so hard to do little things.
Tired of not being able to communicate in a clear way what lies in my heart.
Tired of not free to talk to anyone.
Tired of conflicts with my husband.
Tired of going up and down the emotional roller coaster.
Tired of not being who I thought I was.
Tired of not being who I want to be.
Tired of not having what I want to have.
Tired of seeing all my expectations shattered on the floor.
Tired of finding my dreams seem so foolish.
Tired of saying I have 'two' children when my heart still holds three.
Tired of not knowing what is ahead.
Tired of not living a 'settled' life.
Tired of not having my own place in the world.
Tired of feeling like I'm never gonna make it, never gonna be good enough, never gonna thrive.

I'm just tired.